Monday, December 21, 2015

A Piece of Heart is Leaving....

I have been meaning to share for awhile now.
But life has taken away a lot of my computer and crafting time. 
Which I am fine with.
If you have followed my blog, you know my daughter, Cortney. 
She is one of the lights in my life. She is my shadow.
My sidekick.
She has shaped me into the person I am today. Our journey together has been sad, hard, joyous, and an experience I would never in a million years trade in.
But the reality is, I won't be able to take care of her for the rest of my life.
She is as tall as me and weighs about the same as me. I struggle daily with her care. She is aging out of her school program next year and then the question became, what will we do?
In 2006 I put her name on a list for a wonderful group home called, Misericordia.  The waiting list is extremely long.  I knew it would be years before she were to ever be called, if ever.  But in October, the call came. 
They have an opening for her.  She will be moving there in January.
How is it that I can feel happy and sad all at the same time? I've had well intentioned people tell me it's like she is going away to college.
Nope, not really.
Most college students can take care of themselves, and for years have screamed their independence from the rooftops. It was a gradual process with Kyle.  I miss him, but in a whole different way.
Cortney has the mental capabilities of a 3 year old.  I take care of her every need. She consumes much of my time each and every day. 
But Misericordia has a wonderful reputation. Not one single parent or adult resident has ever said anything negative about them.  In fact, they love it so much that the residents don't want to come home. They make friends, they hold a job, there are countless activities to participate in. Things I won't be able to offer her.
Cortney is social and loves school. This will become her new school.
And yet my heart is heavy.
I am losing a huge piece of my heart.
Any yet I am happy.
I know she will carve out a fabulous life there.
And I can visit anytime I want. She can still come home on weekends.
And Misericordia will become my second home too.
The people there are warm, friendly, and we are all in this together. 
But still.....there will be a huge gap in my life.
An adjustment to say the least.
So pray for Cortney to acclimate to her new home.
For her mama to adjust to her absence.
For us both to find peace and balance.


33 comments:

TK said...

Wow! What a transition for you, the family! I pray the peace of God's love will flow over you and your family during this time, and that this decision is made for the best of all of you. I can only pretend to understand your feelings right now, but I believe in the time that I have followed you, that your best interests were always about Cortney. That will never change! May all of you find happiness in this new change and may it be a wonderful, NEW part of each of your lives.

Rachel Parys said...

Thank you for sharing this with us! I am a mom to a special needs kiddo, and we are currently working on her "transitioning" plans after high school. It is one of the most stressful things I have ever done, and I am second guessing myself after every decision I make. We have to realistic, yet follow our heart. This sounds like a wonderful opportunity, even though it will probably kill you for the first couple of weeks. (you wouldn't be a good mom if it didn't) Good luck with everything!!!

Nancy Thomas said...

I don't know you personally but I have followed your blog for a while now. You and your family will be in my prayers during this transitional period. It's a difficult journey that you must take but you are on the right path with God's loving embrace to hold you upright.

Debby said...

Oh, big tears here. I completely understand your decision. This will be a wonderful place for Cortney. I think the adjustment will be harder on you. She will have new friends and new surroundings and it will most likely be exciting for her. I'm sure you will have mixed feelings.
No one knows better than you how hard it is to care for a special girl like Cortney.
Do not doubt your decision. You have been a wonderful mother to her. This is a step that will have her best interests in mind. Many (((((HUGS)))) as you all adjust.

Анна Соловьянова said...

Я желаю вам счастья от всей моей души и от всей нашей семьи!Всё у вас будет замечательно, не теряйте улыбку и верьте в любовь!Привет передавайте вашей прекрасной девочке из России с любовью!;))

KT Fit Kitty said...

Brought tears to my eyes. I wish you and Cortney both well - this is a big change for both of you. I think she will thrive there. Sending hugs.

Sonya said...

I wish you peace...blessings to you both as your journey continues!

Mendi Yoshikawa said...

I've been horrible about visiting all the blogs I follow, but your post caught my eye and brought tears to my eyes. You're a wonderful Mom and I'm certain God opened up this opportunity at the perfect moment for your family. I will be praying for the transition and sending you big virtual hugs! :)

Leslie Miller said...

I can understand how you would be both happy and sad, even if I can't possibly fathom the depths of your feelings in your family's special circumstances. I know how committed you've always been to Cortney's well being. Michele, my heart aches for you, but also feels happy for Cortney's good fortune to be able to move on to such a wonderful home away from home. I looked up Misericordia and watched several videos. What a beautiful place in every aspect! You are the BEST Mom to provide this for Cortney. Hugs, Michele.

Aileen (mum) said...

I' r left comments before but don't know if you remember me. I also have a daughter with additional needs (a few) making life full on. She has the mental age of about six but is also very able to look after her own needs physically so we are very lucky there. Being deaf has meant steps are slower as finding support and activities where there is sign support is always a challenge in Australia. I cannot imagine being in your position right now as I think it would be so so hard to let go and let them discover life. We work towards this of course in everything we do but as a mother there is always that need to protect.
She will go and she will in all likelihood enjoy every moment. The pain will be yours to endure but you have shown yourself to be so strong over the years you will deal with it and get on with finding yourself because this means there is now time for another change to your life. All the best for Christmas and the New Year. Thinking of you all. Hugs xxxAileen

Katie Bolinger said...

Misericordia is a fabulous organization and Cortney is lucky to be able to call it home. I pray the transition your family is going through will be smooth and that the joy of Cortney's opportunity overshadows the sadness of your separation.

Maggie said...

Here in Nebraska we have Mosaic which I'm sure is a lot like Misericordia. My sister Jenny stayed in High School until she was 21 then she graduated my parents were struggle to take care of her as well my mom started becoming weak with MS and so they had to find another option in 1993 a home was built my sister and a girl that actually lived around the corner from us got the chance to move in there. It was definitely hard!! But we were able to visit her all the time. She would come home twice a week and on holidays. She lived there for 20 years up until her passing. The staff was amazing and caring she got do a lot of different activities and travel! I know it's hard but she will be in very good hands. Prayers for strength for you!!

flapril said...

Hugs and prayers. My adult handicapped son has been on a waiting list now for over 10 years.
Be strong
Hugs

Sherri said...

You are stronger than you know & like all of the other challenges you have faced, you will prevail. It is never easy to realize you need help and to ask for it. In the long run, I think you are doing what is best for all of you. I hope the transition goes as smoothly as possible and that with time, you all are able to adjust to your new living arrangements. Hugs

Conniecrafter said...

Oh my I can't imagine all the thoughts going through your head right now, I will pray for peace for you, and a good adjustment for you both, so good that they have such a great reputation and that you can see her at anytime is great. I take it the home is close by, what a blessing that is for you both.

~amy~ said...

Big hugs to you and Cortney♡

vdoyle8 said...

Prayers for you.

Monika/Buzsy said...

I am happy for your news, but I can understand your pain. I am glad it's close by so you can visit often and be part of her life. Dear Mama! You will be fine! She will be fine! You will have each other in a different way! God will make sure! Merry Christmas!

Poções de Arte said...

Que Deus esteja com cada um de vocês e que a cada dia, bênçãos invadam suas vidas.
Ela se adaptará e logo seu coração se acalmará.
Estarão em minhas orações.
Abraços e Boas Festas.

Sara Andrews said...

Best wishes to Cortney!!

Robin said...

I'm a nurse in a group home for disabled adults, so I am familiar with what you are going through. Many of these adults have been in the home for almost 30 years. The residents go out for family visits, participate in work programs, etc. One of the parents call every day at bedtime to see how her son has done that day. It's very heartwarming. I wish you hope and love for this next part of your journey with Cortney. She's a beautiful young lady.

reeree62 said...

My sweet friend... my heart hurts for you, and rejoices with you. I'm going to be praying for you & Cortney. You are such a wonderful Mom...

Lots of Love, Ree

Kristie W. said...

My heartfelt thoughts and prayers are with you and Cortney, as you enter this new phase of life.

Mary said...

My mom and dad struggled with the same, please know my sister absolutely loved her group home. She had friends, dances, field trips. She had a community and she felt much a part. I know this will be hard, but know it is love that brings you here. I look forward to seeing Cortney in her new home. Love to you and your family.

Zeynep Toraman said...

I have read your post with tears.I am following your blog for a long time and know about you and your daughter.I think you have given a very hard and brave decision. This is a sacrifice of you for your daughter's happiness.I wish to you and Cortney a long and beautiful life.Hugs from Turkey.

Charlotte Zweigoron said...

This post brought tears to my eyes. I feel certain that the comment of one of your subscribers about it being harder for you than for your daughter is probably very true. I keep coming back to the knowledge that you will not be able to be there for your daughter forever. Knowing that she will have a caring and loving home when you can no longer provide that for her has to mean the world to you.

moknowsall said...

I know your joy and pain. She will adapt and love her new friends and activities. I pray for both of you that the transition goes well. Sending lots of love.

maureen

Nana to Ten said...

Sending hugs and prayers as you make this adjustment. Parents are always parents, no matter the age or situation of their children and it is never easy to let go. Glad you have found a good place for your daughter. Thank you for all of your crafting inspiration as well.

carolyn

Roxy Timmons said...

Wow what a difficult and beautiful change all at the same time..having a couple of friends with very special need children is always a wonder. All that it takes to parent a child for so many years as you do a new born, the constant care and attention.. Not like you can just tell them to go outside and play you r there constant companion as you were from the day they were born...there is kind of a normalcy to this... She is moving to a new home and will have roommates! What a beautiful gift for her! Loving anyone enough to let them go and grow....be gentle with yourself through this transition I am sure you both will have a whole new happy growing experience... Non of our children r ever far as we carry them in our hearts every day of our lives...️wishing you all a very Merry Christmas and a New Year of happiness and love...

Mary O'C said...

What a wonderful thing you are doing for Cortney. I know of three young women who live there, and they love it. I'm sure Cortney will too, in time. This will be a rough transition for your family, but you have made the best choice for Cortney and your family. I will keep you all in my prayers, and I wish every happiness for Cortney in Misericordia.

Lou Downing said...

I have to tell you this post really and truly touched me. I do not have children, but as a retired teacher I know how hard your job is at school. I enjoy reading your blog and looking at your beautiful cards. I wish you the best holiday season and a blessed New Year.

Leah Schaeffer said...

There's a lot I could say...but I'll keep it simple and just say that I'll pray for your families transition.
When it all comes down to it, all we can do for each other is pray through life together. It's our blessing
in a faith family! Hugs to you momma!

Ruth G said...

Thank you for sharing. I am certain that you will give as much of yourself as you always have for Cortney and that allowing others to care for her will be both a blessing and a loss for you. I will definitely be praying for you and Cortney and those who will be caring for her that you will all be at peace and also find happiness in these huge changes in your lives. Bless you for doing what needs to be done, but is so hard to give up. You are a wise and caring mom.